Always good for a laugh Tamworth Examiner, until you realise they’re serious and realise they are the embodiment of all that is wrong with our town and society. Simpleton Mark Hopkins of Tamworth Examiner has decided to reopen the ‘argument’ that Tamworth doesn’t have a real police station. If Mark Hopkins met Pinnochio post transformation (spoiler, he becomes a real boy) we’d imagine the trauma the poor kid would have because Hopkins wouldn’t believe him.

Note that Hopkins has gone to a US website to get his definition of police station. Since we are British we prefer to use the proper English definition. We assume he also says ‘tomado’ instead of tomato and ‘colors’ in his picture books.

It is fairly clear to us that the ruddy great building on Marlborough Way with ‘Fire and Police Tamworth’ on the front of it fits the definition. There’s also lots of cars with ‘Police’ written all over them parked around the back. If you look really closely you can even see some coppers. Apparently though Mark isn’t happy unless you can pop in whenever you feel like and report crimes, something nearly everyone is happy to do via the phone (although people don’t seem to understand still that 999 can be used if it is urgent and complain they spend ages on the none emergency line).

Nope, you didn’t see it, this place does not exist, it is not there.

The front desk of the old Tamworth police station was shut years ago because barely anyone turned up to use it, and they cart crims off elsewhere these days. They’ve done all of this because it’s cheaper, and unless everyone is happy to have the police wedge of the council tax increased horrendously to pay for everything people miss from watching ‘Heartbeat‘ then efficiencies should be encouraged. It’s amazing how much complete idiots like Hopkins would spit feathers over governments wasting money, whilst simultaneously expecting them to provide unrealistic levels of services to a hugely increased population compared to when he was a lad.

Major Conspiracy Ron Brown churned out this wall of text. We genuinely have not read it at all, we screenshot it. Read it if you like but don’t say you were not warned you may suffer brain damage.

Was it worth it? Or did you do like we did and just skip over it? If you read it you’re braver than us and possibly a few brain cells worse off now.

The following is a perfect example of Tamworth thinking. We particularly enjoyed the drama the other day when the police sent a considerable amount of resource one evening not long ago to catch car criminals many people have been affected by, only for them to be criticised for sending as many cars and officers to chase after them as they did. They will never win will they, people can’t be realistic, they’ve lost the ability to be logical, and everyone thinks they’re experts on how to run things.

Yet somehow we’ve not yet had a complete breakdown of society. Debunking would absolutely love to see more coppers out and about, we actually don’t think they’re doing too badly at the moment showing their faces. Could they be better? Absolutely. When you’ve got people denying the police station even exists and spreading it on social media, it makes you wonder whether people would ever be happy.

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