Good morning from Debunking, where it is Polling day in Tamworth. Having just had our board meeting at Debunking HQ Number 1 Tamworth Towers, we discussed what we could possibly offer the electorate this morning to help them choose the right candidate. Not a fat lot we quickly realised and got on with ordering a McDonald’s breakfast.

As if, we’ve always got something to say. Some people might not like it, but that’s never held us back. We aren’t going to back a candidate, it’s not our place to. What we can do is give a very short run down of your candidates today. We’ve given each a cow rating in relation to their position on the green belt which appears to have been a key election policy.

Robert Bilcliff – UKIP. Once thought to be extinct, both him and the party, fossil Bob is everything you’d expect from a party that’s gone so far right they may as well be knocking the doors with Britain First. Once made homophobic comments on social media regarding gay marriage being “a sad day for straight people”. At least lives in Tamworth if that’s any qualification. Would probably be against cows that were black and not care where they live as long as it’s not this country.

Andrew Cooper – Conservatives. One time action man hero Sniper, current Tamworth Councillor. Lives in Tamworth. Accused of running this site (he wishes). Courted controversy this week from the woke who did not like his views on benefits claimants taking the piss. Prefers not to move cows out of their fields for more houses.

Ian Cooper – Reform. Was once a staunch Tory having been Mr Hush Puppy Ken Clarke’s election agent, and even chaired the local party in the early 00’s before he was booted out of the position by them. Cow position: Unknown.

Sarah Edwards – Labour Party. Lives in Moseley, rented a flat in Tamworth shortly before the election was called. Pretends to have a track record in Tamworth despite no-one having ever heard of her. Wants to re-home cows currently living on the green belt to build more houses on it.

Howling Laud Hope – The Official Monster Raving Looney Party. Presumably bonkers and in it for the laughs. Debunking would entertain thoughts of the Looney Party forming a Government rather than some of the people in this list having the chance to. Cow position: Unknown.

Sue Howarth – Green Party. Who? Presumably wants to put trees before people. Likely not to want to upset cows.

Peter George Longman – Independent. Again who? Must stand in elections as a hobby. Promoted by our local Troll (Hi Brina) so he must have something going for him. Would not be able to help the cows if he did get elected, as that would require working with others.

Ashlea Simon – Britain First. The British incarnation of the Nazi party, would probably lock the cows up never to be seen again, especially if they were black and gay. Debunking is hoping Tamworth is not racist enough to give this shower of clowns a substantial amount of votes.

Sunny Virk – Liberal Democrats. No idea who this is but he’s on the list. Quick Google would suggest he’s not against the idea of inconveniencing cows.

So there we have it. There’s a decent run down of your candidates, we do hope you enjoy Polling day. The eyes of the country are on Tamworth today so wear your best smiles and go bother some TV crews if you see them in the town centre. First one to say live on air wins 50 quid.

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