Here we are again, folks—six years later, and the Conservative Party conference in Birmingham is looking like a rerun of the 2018 disaster?
Remember that cringeworthy conference, where the seats were emptier than a student’s bank account after Freshers’ Week? Well, strap in, because it seems history is about to repeat itself.
Back in 2018, Theresa May was doing her best to look popular by filling the room with as few people as possible.
Fast forward to 2024, and the Conservatives are still trying to manage the optics. This time, they’ve upped the ante: the venue might be bigger, but there are even fewer people to fill it. It’s starting to look less like a conference and more like the world’s saddest escape room—except nobody seems that eager to leave. Or arrive, for that matter.
The seating situation is eerily similar to that 2017 campaign, where May’s appearances were so carefully stage-managed, it was like watching a movie premiere with no audience. Back then, a wide-angle photo revealed her true crowd: a whopping 20 loyal supporters and a couple of confused passersby.
In 2024, the Conservative Party has taken this to new heights—by simply not having anyone show up in the first place. Why risk bad press when there’s no one to photograph?
One possible reason for this lacklustre turnout?
The return of the dreaded conference app. Yes, the Conservatives have once again outsourced their digital experience to a contractor, because when you want things to go wrong, who better to trust than a private company?
It’s déjà vu all over again—except this time, the app doesn’t just leak your personal data, it probably sends it directly to whoever’s running this year’s protest.
It all brings back memories of that time in 2018 when the app disaster, the protests, and the empty seats made the Conservative Party look like they were auditioning for a sitcom about political incompetence.
The script hasn’t changed much in six years. Nadeem Ahmed’s legendary tweet still rings true: “No ideas. No inspiration. No clue.” The Tories in 2024 seem to be running on autopilot, fuelled by nostalgia and reheated rhetoric, with as much innovation as a budget karaoke machine.
And let’s not forget the app, the microcosm of Tory bungling. In 2018, they outsourced it, and surprise surprise, they did it again.
Six years later, and they’ve learned absolutely nothing. The app is still malfunctioning, and this time, it’s not just leaking personal data, it’s a full-on sieve.
Conservatives, take note: outsourcing is not your friend. The ghost of Carillion and now ISG is still haunting you, and now it’s brought along a malfunctioning conference app for company.
So, here we are in 2024, watching as the Conservatives, once again, walk headfirst into a self-created disaster. The empty seats, the dodgy tech, the protests—it’s like watching a movie you’ve already seen, except this time, the plot is even more predictable.
If there’s one thing we’ve learned from the past six years, it’s that the Tories have mastered the art of making the same mistakes over and over again. History might not always repeat itself, but when it comes to the Conservative Party conference, it sure likes to rhyme.
Cheers
Will-I-am Not-Wordsworth
Debunk Admin 